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on Mon Aug 25, 2014 9:29 pm
Several hundred years ago, humans were nearly exterminated by Titans. Titans are typically several stories tall, seem to have no intelligence, devour human beings and, worst of all, seem to do it for the pleasure rather than as a food source. A small percentage of humanity survived by walling themselves in a city protected by extremely high walls, even taller than the biggest Titans. Flash forward to the present and the city has not seen a Titan in over 100 years. Until that day.....
Warren Sanus (first time so please don't kill)
Posts : 7
Join date : 2015-11-16
|Subject: Warren Sanus (first time so please don't kill) Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:46 pm|| |
Nickname: none (will be explained)
Personality: a shy, closed off type of guy, he is very trusting and likes to make friends. He does not battle often due to age (and minimal weapons) and spends most of his time studying and is very smart and dedicated, also not well versed in romance.
Physical Traits he is quite skinny due to lack of physical activities
But somehow ended up with long legs perfect for running. Not the strongest around.
Special title: none
Job: local bartender
Height: 5,5(does this sound right?)
Weight: 136 LB,s
Hair Color/Length: brown buzz cut hair
Eye Color: gray
Appearance: wears a black T-shirt, jeans, and heavy work boots and a gray hat to match his eyes so they don't seem quite so out of place.
Also has a thing for gloves (probably came from his time tinkering)
Stats (you start with 17 stat points total which you can fill in yourself. More info on how to earn more stat points o stat skills can be found in rules and information)
Toughness - 3
Intellect - 8
Dexterity - 6
Likes: tinkering/designing, strategy, geography, new things out of the ordinary. Also has a craving for kiwi.
Dislikes: sweet potatoes (still knows better then to refuse food though) titans (duh) boredom ( you will always find him doing something) and asthma (witch he has).
Fears: Titans (not to be rude but "duh") isolation, and he is easily intimidated, he is generaly cautious about everything except people.
Motivations: family (will be explained), will to learn and curiosity, also wants to be a inventor one day.
Background: Tell us your characters background. I guess to start of when he was born his mother died giving birth to him so he never knew her, his father was enlisted in the military so the only one to really raise him was his sister, Mara (she was 5 at the time). She would do whatever she needed to do to fill the gap there mother had left when she died, eventually she became more of a mother to Warren then a sister dispite her young age.
When Warren was 14 the maria was breached by the mega titan, and there father was eaten right in front of both of them, it's a memory neither one would ever forget. With no funding coming in and there house destroyed in the chaos they moved inside the rose and each took up whatever job they could get, witch turned out to be quite difficult with the sudden population increase inside the rose wall, when they finally got jobs (Mara as a maid) they saved up for a small house to live in.
Extras:it was because of the attack that he began to study so hard (after the grief of course) and gained an love for technology.
P.S his sister is not an official character and will only be mentioned and will not take part in RP's
Posts : 98
Join date : 2015-06-26
|Subject: Re: Warren Sanus (first time so please don't kill) Thu Nov 19, 2015 8:03 am|| |
hellooo um um before the actual review, there are a lot of grammar errors in your app. and since you keep repeating them, i'm guessing they were not by accident. i'm not saying this in any sort of insulting way, i'm just trying to help you make your app better C: I would suggest http://www.reverso.net/spell-checker/english-spelling-grammar/ this site. it will help a bit (probably). as for the whole there/they're/their deal, i'll just write this down for you since it's quick and easy.
they're = they are (the a is just cut off)
their = possession (their house is big (they have a big house))
now that that's done, let's move on to the more juicy stuff ehem ehem
one; personality. first off, this needs to be at least 200 words long. second, i can't see how he could be a shy, closed off type of guy, but also be trusting and enjoy making friends. a shy, closed off type of guy is the guy who sits by himself and avoids any sort of interaction with others. maybe you meant quiet guy? like, someone who has friends, likes making friends, but isn't exactly the party animal of the group? also, to lengthen the personality easier, try and add how reactions to certain situations (when his friends get hurt, when he himself gets hurt, how open he is when it comes to personal stuff, etc).
two; physical traits is a title, no need for a description next to it. that should go into appearance.
three; put none in rank instead of dots since you put that in special title section too lol (not mandatory, but to keep things neat)
four; appearance. again, you fell sort of words, this needs to be 100 words long. also, your character's weight and height set doesn't add up with the description of being skinny. according to the numbers he's actually somewhat chubby if not a normal healthy weight. also, jeans don't really exist in the aot universe(??), at least not yet. to pull up the word count, try and describe his face characteristics and his frame.
five; likes and dislikes must each be 50 words long. this means you need to add a small description to at least one of the likes (and one of the dislikes). for example, why does he like strategy? how did he come to know it? or, why does he dislike asthma? (i know this is obvious, but that's what i'm trying to say. you can write a small description for at least one, especially if it's this obvious, should be easier). also, i think geography isn't really a thing? i mean, books about the outside world are practically banned, so, it's difficult to study on it. so, um, idk, explain, i guess(???)
six; again, fears and motivations should be 50 words each. describe the reason behind a fear and a motivation maybe? to get up the word count and stuff.
seven; background. so, ah, as a general idea, it's good. but there's a lot that doesn't really add up. one is that if a 5 year old and new born baby were left with no parents due to government oriented reasons, they would be put in an orphanage most likely, if not sent off to live with another relative. besides, if you give a 5 year old a baby and tell them to survive, they will cry and most likely die very soon. two, it's called colossal titan, and i doubt their father would be eaten in front of them. during the breach, everything was hectic af, people were running, and two (practically) orphan children could not have ended up with their father at the exact right moment when he would be eaten by a titan. unless he was visiting them/seeing them for whatever reason and decided to disobey orders and stay with them instead when he was asked to go up front and serve as a soldier like he's supposed to do as soon as word of the titans broke, they wouldn't be anywhere near each other. the moving into wall rose part is very good and all, but please fix the rest. also backstory needs to be at least 350 words long. try and go into more detail of their early lives maybe? how warren ended up studying whatever he's studying and where he found the means to study? did he find a donor? a teacher? is he stealing books from libraries? (idek--)
eight; oh one last thing i forgot. he's quite young to be a bartender, but i can skip that because, well, the situation allows for young people to get whatever job is available. but i can't really see how he would be a bartender with that shy personality of his? wouldn't the customers end up feeling awkward around him? or he awkward around them?
when you're done editing, just pm me <3
Posts : 7
Join date : 2015-11-16
|Subject: Re: Warren Sanus (first time so please don't kill) Thu Nov 19, 2015 10:23 am|| |
Thank you for taking the time to read it! I'll get it edited asap! :-)
|Subject: Re: Warren Sanus (first time so please don't kill) Today at 7:22 am|| |
This is an attack on titan RP where titans are rules of the land. Humans are locked into the walls living their life and trying keep safe from those monsters. You can play canon and non-canon characters but the story doesn't follow the manga. Enjoy your stay and RP with us!